The Joy Ruck Club; or, Rep. Rogers: What Was He Chinking?

Ret's hear it for our classy pal!

The radies adore him, that Hal.

Ruvs Peking Duck,

Rucy Riu wants to fuck.

Say "Sorry"? Never he shall.

Rep. Harold Rogers (R-Ky), chairman of the House Inappropriations Committee, went on: "[The Chinese ambassador] had been to the Kentucky Derby and he said, 'you know, the Kentucky Derby is located in a city and you need to know how to pronounce the name of,' he said, 'it's not Rouisville, it's Rouisville," using slightly different inflections, but mocking the ambassador's accent.

The Boozehounds of the Colliersville; or, Was Curry Blurry?

"Guns, God, and Booze!*

Why should I choose?

Let MADD harpies whine,

When liquored I'm fine.

At least when imbibin'

I ain't multiplyin'

Like immigrant rats

With their anchorin' brats."

*"The burden is not going to be on the restaurant owner, it's going to be on the individual, because he's going to know that he has a chance there if he's caught to lose his gun permit forever," said Rep. Todd Curry (R; Collierville, TN).

The Moustache of Wisdom Takes a "Big Shit"; or, Thomas Friedman Passes the Buck to His Readers*

There once was a blathering fool

Whose prize-winning style is to drool,

Over murderous ghouls

And big thinking fools;

Of Pander, he is the Crown Jewel.

*"You decide." Thomas Friedman, "There's Something Happening Here." The New York Times, October 12, 2011

Half-baked Alaska; or, Sarah, Vain and Gall

 

"You betcha that I love to quit.

Elitists? They think I'm unfit.

I've pooped out five babies!

Now I'm treated like rabies.

Oh, Roger! 'Twas you found my clit."

Tittycunt Follies; or, The Nancy Grace Story

There once was a harpy named Nance

Whose nipples were looked at askance.

"You're guilty, you puke!

The courts I would nuke!

Let me throw the switch, or I'll dance!"